This isn’t meant to be a sad or depressing post, just a wee reminder to cherish the things we can sometimes take for granted.
You never really know when you do something for the first or last time with your children.
Sometimes you don’t even know that your last child will be the last one either.
You may not even realize till later on that you had not done something that you took for granted in a while, then feel upset that your child will never need you in that way again.
I’ve started feeling sad at the fact that I may not be able to experience things for the first time with my children again.
I always wanted to give Milena a sibling, now we have done that. Since I’ve had two C-sections, I will have to have another if we want to have any more.
I would prefer not to have to go through that for a third time and I’m not sure if we want more anyway.
So now I’m left thinking that I will never have a new born again.
I will never get to hold my baby for the first time. Never get to feel that absolute joy, that first skin on skin, that first feed, that first time they hold on to you with their tiny little hands, that first look into their eyes knowing you are the only thing in their tiny world that matters.
For me, and all mothers, this was the most amazing feeling in the world. Nothing else could possibly compare. I would give anything to be able to bottle up that feeling, and get to relive the total elation flooding through me over and over.
Milena was ten months when she decided she didn’t want to breast feed anymore. I feed her one night not knowing that would be the last time. The last time she would come to me, let me cradle her in my arms, look into my eyes and need my body to feed her. I knew that day would one day come, but I was not ready for my first born to not need me in that way anymore.
I was not prepared.
Just as there is a first time, there will be a last time for everything.
One day you will feed your baby, then from that day on they will want to do it all for themselves.
One night they will ask you to have a bath with them or to help wash their hair, the next they only want to do it all alone.
You will wake during the night for one last time as they crawl into your bed for cuddles, never to be awoken like this again.
One day they will run to you with open arms to be picked up, you will set them down, never to pick them up like that again.
They will grasp your hand to cross the road one last time, never to reach for it again.
You will kiss them goodbye at the school gate one day, then the next they will want to walk to the gate by themselves.
I’m well aware it’s all a part of them growing and developing, but as mothers I feel it hits us the hardest. To watch our babies grow and no longer depend on us. We give them life, we feed them, we cradle them, we soothe them, we look at them as the most precious gems in the universe, we love them till the end of time.
I know I am yet to experience a lot of these things as firsts, let alone their lasts.
But when I do, I know I will not be ready for them to end.
One day I will look back, as will a lot of mothers, and wish they could be relived.
Just one more time.