I’ve been a bit quiet the past couple of weeks. To be brutally honest it’s been a slow downhill slide all compounding to me ending up in A & E.
Don’t worry I’ll live. Nothing that taking it easy for a couple of weeks won’t fix. But seriously when the doctor told me that, I looked over at my girls and said rather sarcastically, “HAHAHA….sure”.
As we all know as parents some days can be nothing short of shit.
For me the constant battle of wills with the toddler, who I’m trying so hard to deal with in a civil manner. (You can read about that here) To the 5 month old who goes from the cutest little button to the devils spawn in the blink of an eye (you really wouldn’t think it by looking at her gorgeous little face), to the week of getting maybe 8 hours sleep….total.
I know I’m not the only one that has to put up with this and as a SAHM I know it comes with the territory. I’m not looking for sympathy. Just writing this to let other mamas who think they’re alone, most definitely are not.
All my days seem to consist of at the moment is getting told to “GO AWAY!” repetitively and entertaining the ever growing mind of my 5 month old. Whilst trying to get out of the house for my own sanity, keep friendships alive, forgetting to eat as my mind is always on the girls, trying to keep the house in a relatively ordered fashion, trying my best not to lose my shit at the kids, myself and at a partner that comes home just as tired, and wants to have a nap on the couch as soon as he gets home.
Slowly I’ve been getting worn down.
It started with us getting fed up with Anya waking all the time due to her dummy falling out. So we decided that it would be better if she didn’t have/need one. So away that went. It sort of seemed to go alright-ish to start. Dealing with the usual getting up, consoling and getting back to sleep. After the 4th time getting up I brought her back to our bed and fed her to sleep so we (I) could get some sleep. During the day she yelled and screamed as she was used to the dummy to settle her down and struggles to self settle.
I ended up with some strange searing pain in my upper back which I couldn’t explain. It dulled down with a hot shower and a rub but didn’t entirely go away.
First Milena got sick then a day later Anya got it too.
By this time Anya was in our bed more often than not and I was feeding her to sleep every time she woke as I didn’t have the energy to deal with it any other way. Still no dummy. Cracks were well and truly appearing on me.
Thursday morning I had a lovely visit from an amazing mama that I have met since doing my blog. Then took my smallest Miss to get her jabs. All was well in the world till around 4pm when the strange pain in my came back with a vengeance, struggling to breathe and barely unable to move I ended up at A & E.
Turns out it was Costochondritis, which is an inflammation of the junctions where the upper ribs join with the cartilage that holds them to the sternum.
When I asked how I got this I got an array of possibilities. Overuse, infection, rundown or possibly injury.
It’s nothing that time wont heal, but it sure gave me a fright.
It has made me realize how weak my body has become and how much I’m not looking after myself. I need to do it for my family. They need a happy healthy mum not a sore, angry one.
I ended up giving Anya back her dummy, now is not the time to be dealing with that. It’s all about prioritizing and me getting better and not stressing about her screaming for a dummy is first and foremost.
It may seem by this post that my week was utter rubbish and there wasn’t much good in it. This is far from true. I met up with a couple of friends, went to a playgroup, went for some walks, laughed and played with my children, enjoyed being a parent and a partner.
Yes it was hard, but it also showed me what I need to be focusing on.
We need the tough times to make us realize how great the good times are. And with children everything is a stage, be it the headstrong toddler continually testing boundaries or the baby struggling to form a decent sleep pattern, these things will not last forever so we shouldn’t be to hard on ourselves
Also we shouldn’t be to hard on other parents, you don’t know how many times they got up to their child last night or that they could be one toddler meltdown away from having a meltdown of their own.
We all have our down times, days and even weeks but there is always good to be found in each and everyone of these.
Don’t be too hard on yourself mama, you’re doing fine.